Today i went to visit my great grandma who is in the hospital. She is like 90 over years old and her body is infected with toxic or something like that. I remember that every CNY will be a day that I'll look forward too every year. I'll always see her always so happy when she sees me. She'll take my hand, kiss it and put it near her face letting me know that I'm so dear to her and how happy she is to see me. I always thank God for her still being alive and that she managed another new year. I'll miss that glowing face and her smile. Although all her teeth are gone (cause she is old), her smile is still as perfect as ever.

So she was admitted to the hospital sometime back and we never thought it would be serious until my grandma called to asked my mum to see her. She wants to see my mum. She saved all the life and breath she has left until she saw my mum. When we finally went to see her, she was unconscious due to the medicine. Her leg was like dying day by day and she is in great pain. She's so weak that she can't even scream in pain. She cried and smile after sometime when she saw my mum. Tears start to roll down my eyes as I feel so much for her. She doesn't want to eat or drink anything and she is showing signs of giving up. She looked at me and I managed a smile with tears rolling down my eyes.

She was so eager to see my mum and me that she mistaken my aunt and my cousin as my mum and me. She remembers me! She set her mind to remember certain people only and of all, me. I don't even want to go near her or hold her hand for i know it will be harder to let go this way. I stood afar, saying what i want to say in my mind hoping she can hear them and watching her groan in pain helplessly and wondering how sometimes relatives aren't all that close to you when you are in trouble. She was having a heartache as no one wanted her. How sad? God, i prayed that you'll drop me a million bucks so I can take care of her. She's waiting for her time to go i know.

So as we still struggle to communicate as much as we can, she was just too weak and almost brain dead to say a word. As i left i went close this time, held her hand and pulling her blanket up so she won't catch a cold. I looked at her, and all i wanted to say was, I love her so very much but i know she won't understand. So as everyone in the room make their way out, I bent over, kissed her cheeks, holding my tears back but couldn't.

All that I wish for,

Wind, please blow my whispers of love to her.

I'll love you for always,

Christina Chan